It's not what you think

To the neighbours who may have been looking out your front window,

I realize that the events you saw early this morning may have been cause for concern. Two people filling the back of a pickup truck with small bundles wrapped in black plastic bags would be suspicious. Who does this sort of thing on the coldest morning of the winter? That couple's hurried and thorough scrubbing of the truck bed and driveway would be rather dubious as well. It was barely light, it was windy, it was -14c. Most sensible neighbours were still warm in their beds, or sipping a civil cup of coffee at the breakfast table.

I assure you that there is no reason for alarm. The early morning preparation for a trip to the land fill is just the result of some home renovations. The meticulous cleaning of the truck and driveway was the result of a spilled can of paint. Better to clean it before it dries and sets. We don't want any unsightly stains on the asphalt.

So you see, there's no need to worry. The neighbourhood is just as safe now as it was yesterday. Put down the phone. Pour yourself another coffee. Enjoy the rest of your Monday with our apologies for starting it off the wrong way.

Sincerely,

The Millers

PS: We should also mention that the hole in the backyard is for next year's vegetable crop.